As the events of 2020 brought life for all to a halt and ushered in an uncomfortable amount of uncertainty, I recalled a time earlier in life when I had surfed amidst such a sea of change.
In 2010, I experienced a triple play of loss as the house of cards foundation of my life came crashing down. Though the change itself had been building up, it was during a short window when I experienced being laid off (for the fourth time in my life at the time), the end of my first real adult love, which I thought was planning for more, and my grandfather died.
This all occurred in less than two weeks, but it had been building:
That particular job was expected to end because of the contract I was on, it just ended much earlier than I thought it would, and I wasn’t prepared for what was to come.
The relationship had long since taken separate forks, I wasn’t ready for both the responsibility and maturity to share the road in the first place and to give space for the detours that come when building a life with someone, nor did I realize that space is needed when you’re heading towards to the same place.
And my grandfather lived a long life. He was diagnosed with lung cancer and having previously survived prostate cancer, he was good, and he was ready.
Now, it we look at the aftermath of the pandemic as it played out over 2020, which we’ve had a great deal of pause and the time to do so:
Our world leaders and governments didn’t work together to find a solution until the ship had already sailed. For example, research on vaccines that could have been done earlier had lost funding in different legislative cycles, task forces and agencies were shut down or budgets reduced, marking them ineffective at such a prospective. Unsurprisingly, silly political agendas kept opposite sides from working together and sharing information.
Work-life balance was long out of balance. Low and behold, we found that we could be effective, in some instances, more so, working remotely. We demonstrated the oh so uncanny resilience and adaptation that people do. And now we seek to live a new, perhaps hybrid, more adaptable life.
For me personally, my Dad passed, which I’ve spoken of before in this space, but the writing for that was on the wall. Though not that old, he had slowed down and was struggling. I’d also had dreams ahead, which guided me to believe his time on this side might be drawing to a close…
I share all of this today because I reflect back to that time in 2010, where I wandered the continental US, guided by my dreams, and following signs, I thought of the houseless man, who I gave my last fava bean too…
On that leg of my journey, each stop, I took in what value the vibe of each place reminded me of. It’s something I continue to this die, feeling more alive and full because I allow myself to feel.
To me, NOLA, was the Phoenix, she was rebirth.
I arrived at a time her people were still processing and healing from Katrina, which had ravaged it years earlier, another instance where things could have been done in advance to better prepare but the people kept on with it despite the cards they’d been dealt.
There’s something magical about New Orleans. Something magical about everywhere really…
From the music and the food to the pain and the joy, NOLA’s culture is vibrant and it survived. Some might argue it survives because of magic. Voodoo, Christianity, Vampires, Witches, all types of spiritual practices are alive, steeped in their shared tradition. One belief was that a blessed fava bean could help a spiritual seeker. The woman who gave it to me said it’d help as I navigated that time of change in my life.
I’m so blessed to have had such an odd season of loss because of all the teachers who wandered in such as that woman, with a face my memory vaguely recalls, and a voice I cannot hear, but her words, the meaning I took from, oh how they echo…
In the Hollywood version of this, I’d still have those fava beans, especially since my Life is completely different, but alas. I shortly thereafter gave them away to people who I felt needed it more than me, in particular, the houseless man, sitting on the road, telling me of his life, his own losses extreme mirrors into my life.
I’ve often wondered about the reflections that I see.
If this life is but a dream, and we’re all reflections, I look at the Light that passes by and seek to understand. My underlying questions tend to be layered in:
How I might best be of service with the unknown, limited release, SOUL act now DROP (of Universal Life Ocean Energy), time that I myself have?
As my circumstances have changed, my answer refines, and when I look at the best work I’ve done holistically, the a-ha is that it always follows when I remind myself that it’s okay to take time to heal.
And healing isn’t a one-stop and you’re done shop.
Healing is a lifelong revelation.
And wherever you are, as you are, in each moment as it manifests, that’s totally okay.
We owe it to ourselves, the Inner ‘Ohana and especially to the Inner Child, just seeking to smile, create, explore, and be.
We owe it to the children who follow us into the future, because while it might seem hope is lost with the odds stacked against us, where there’s even a spark of Light, we can start a blaze, and as the more we Light up the Darkness, then the more it is that we can really see.
Soul, like I said. It’s okay. Keep going, wherever it is that you are.
Much Mahalo