Super Soul Sunday, Bigger than a Bowl Game, Happening Every Week, Here + Now
Just some musings on a Sunday...
Oprah used to do a Super Soul Sunday show [disclaimer: not sure exactly what it is and what’s still happening but I got the sense it explores the Soul, I think, I hope] and over the years I have also written #supersoulsunday posts. But obviously, I’m not Oprah, nor do I have such a platform, yet.
But we do both live in the Hawaiian Islands, AND I’m from here, so ha, Oprah, ha!
Jk.
Today’s musing is nothing formal.
These are just my thoughts as they are, where they are, here, now, in this passing series of moments.
Quite possibly stream of consciousness.
You’ve been warned.
This week
This week was full a bunch f**king days, let me tell you.
Over the past seven days, there were two trips to the ER for two of my closest loved ones, work had all sorts of happenings, choke hours, all leading up to a huge event that fell yesterday, and a big proposal right on the horizon due next week along with the other stuff that comes in spaces with people. All leading to the burial of my older brother’s Mom.
By the time I got home before the third work session I’d undertake yesterday, I felt the weight of all the emotional happenings of the past week hit me like The Rock Bottom.
I took a nap, got up and walked the dog, then went back to work to make some progress on the proposal and join a zoom working session.
By the time the day wrapped, as tired as I was, I was hungry, so I ate, sat, read, and dove down some YouTube rabbit holes on the multi-verse and multiple dimensions, because it was one of those being so tired, you can’t rest type of tiredness that comes from the range of being emotionally drained and in need of recharging.
Interlude
A few years back, I want to say the end of 2016, I remember feeling like I’d stumbled into the wrong the dimension.
It was a rough season and much healing was needed and I was holistically emptied, but in almost a forceful way. I gave up much of my autonomy. I was really low and I can remember thinking that somewhere, out there in the mass of creation and consciousness, there was a version of my myself that was getting things right, or at the very least, hopefully felt better than I did.
We Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Program
Fast forward, yesterday, this week, recently man, I have at times felt like I’m drowning. Over a year of consistent therapy helped build upon previous therapy and mentorship and my own work because the only difference between that same long ago, that overwhelmed feeling, wonder are things going to work out, I am not fighting it and I realize perseverance is cultivated in the challenging times such as these.
Moving from the dimension of fighting where I was, despite the struggles of this reality, I feel acceptance at my side, I find the beauty and appreciate, even if it’s just a pause, but in that pause, I cmell the roses:
It’s a weird life.
“It’s magic.” - Adya
It’s mind-boggling because I’ve spent decades of my journey, fighting against how I felt. If I had to sum it up, it’s kind of gone like this:
Small kid time - feel, but it doesn’t always make sense.
Not-so small kid but not an adult time - feel, it doesn’t make sense, but it’s clear I don’t like it
Young adult but the maturity is still ripening time - feel, there’s more understanding, which might I like even less!
Grow the f*ck up adult time - understand the feeling, might not like it, but must accept or learn to
The time after that time - LOADING
Yesterday
As I sat in awe of my older brother while he shared his reflections on the contrast of the darkness and light he’s traveled to up to and through his Mom’s passing, there was a moment where we reflected on how hard it is.
Living in gratitude is a habit.
Seeing that there’s almost something amazing is discipline.
Living and loving a full life takes focus and care.
Here + Now
Life takes work. Constant work.
As challenging as the week I just had was, I’m committed to the Inner Work. I don’t have it all figured out on what should be or yet to come but I’m not dwelling in the dark cellars of consciousness as I had for so much lost time before.
My mental health and resiliency feels better.
Much of that has to do with the letting go, acceptance, and non-attachment.
Like in Jiu-Jitsu, I realize even if I get caught and have to tap, there’s another opportunity. My ego can take a knee, or maybe begrudgingly accepts the need too.
While listening to a Jiu-Jitsu podcast recently, the comment “don’t be the higher belt that smashes the white belt because they have to power of situations.” resonated.
Don’t be that guy. I’ve never really been the guy to smash people because I could or had to but I have at times fought my way out of submissions.
The other day, I had the chance to be that guy but I took a pass and tapped. The same thing happened the week before I heard that comment with a blue belt. I saw what I needed to do to escape, but because it involved more force than I was willing to use and the mats were full and I was being mindful of those around, I wasn’t the bull seeing red. I took it.
When I was younger, not just on the mats, but off, there was just wasted so much time and energy, when I could have just tapped, reset, and applied the learning moving forward.
And that’s the point of all of this, if you’ve read this far (high-five). I’ve been through so many highs and lows, with more surely to follow as that’s just part of the Journey.
It’s not that IDGAF, I very much care, I just realize the shift in perspective that’s needed in order to keep on going. Moving beyond surviving and really, truly thriving.
Me in past seasons wouldn’t have made it through yesterday, after the week I’ve had leading up to it without breaking down in some way. Me in past seasons couldn’t reflect and synthesize the experices Here + Now, today.
But I needed me in past seasons in order to grow to this space, and some day, I’ll need me today to prepare me then for the next steps on the Journey.
Eespecially those where I find myself in more tragedy and loss.
C’est la vie or as Max Ehrmann put it in his iconic poem, Desiderata:
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Mahalo ke akua. Mahalo na akua.
Aloha be the Journey.