On a beach in HI / 35mm
As a writer, I've both marveled and cringed at the power of words. Call it my primary love language but IMO words shared with an infusion of anger, hatred, intolerance, a lack of compassion, a condescending tone, or (insert here that's meh) are extremely damaging.
There are so many reasons to the whys to that but simply put, we honestly just know where anyone else is at in their journey. We also don't know what underlying wounds another carries from trauma nor do we know the stage of caring for and healing said wounds anyone else is really in.
And even then, a wound that is healed leaves behind a scar, a lasting reminder, whether visible or within, that another carries.
I share this after reading one of the saddest stories that I've seen recently. And I'm making that statement amidst the ongoing atrocities of war overseas and the school shootings 'tour' making its way across the US.
As terrible a story as that is, there is beauty in the outpouring of love for the family.
But it feels so pale in comparison because like war, like what's going on in our schools, the underlying issue that might never be addressed is that there is something innately violent embedded in humanity.
It's like the night to the day.
The low to the high.
You want to see the polarity of life, observe children. Little harbingers of both joy and chaos.
Many years ago I heard a teaching that in times of war, the Buddha is both the healer on the battlefield and the dictator waging war. Having experienced many more seasons of love, grief, and reflecting on overall traumas since I heard that, I can see why people give up.
It’s hard to keep choosing in a reality where as much as it’s all love on one level, sometimes it’s hard to move beyond the intensity of the levels where it doesn’t feel like that at all.
I’d like to think that I always find the silver lining and I am grateful to have cultivated the habit of prayer but the truth is Life is hard. And while just as kids are examples of joy and chaos, they are also examples of resilience sometimes it’s too much.
And it is valid and okay to acknowledge when it’s overwhelming.
In Jiu-Jitsu, there’s the phrase ‘tap or snap’ in regard to submitting or risk injury because of a joint lock. Life is the same and submission isn’t acceptance so much as going to wherever it is that we need to go to be able to find the strength to carry through the intensity of hard season.
From tapping out on the mat to submitting to life, I’ve found love, strength, and beauty. I’ve also recognized the edges and areas that need additional focus and healing in different seasons.
I know it’s not always simple to be resilient. Recently, I have had to pray, meditate, just to get myself ready to make it through the day and I’m just dealing with stress amidst change.
The other difference for me today is that I’ve lived enough to know ‘this too shall pass’ and I’ve reached the light at the end of the tunnel enough times to realize there are more tunnels. This journey, it’s a process
But Terry didn’t get that chance and the chorus of assholery that he had to listen to didn’t relent, and right now, I’m just so sad. And as I value words, with writing being a gift, I just want to close with:
Please love and hug your loved ones.
Extend that kindness to strangers.
Listen to them, not only with your ears, but your eyes, and feel them with your hearts. We are always communicating, whether we speak it or not.
Be fucking nice.
Like seriously.
Just be nice.
You might think your shit is THE shit because it’s your shit but honestly, what you’re knee deep in someone else might be up to their ears in and when it gets to that point, there’s no breath, and breath is Life.
Soul Be that breath.
You never know how it might help.
If you are struggling or know someone who is please direct them to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or visit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention for additional resources.